Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Teaching Underground's 2011-2012 Report Card

In an age where "grades" grow more irrelevant by the day, the TU thought it fitting to assign grades to some people and events that have transpired during the past school year.

Teaching Underground-
We increased traffic and managed to avoid violating our moral standards(we have none).  Still we navigated the past 12 months with some effort and did our best to share what we thought about where we are and where we are going.
Grade = B+

Virginia Weather-
Earthquakes, derechos, 100+ degrees, no snow days.  
Grade - You decide.

This actually happened during Summer School last year but how on earth(how's that for a punn) could we have a space program without the shuttle?  Since 1981 the Space Shuttle has been the face of manned American Space Flight.  In an age where we are expected to inspire young scientists and explorers we will have to teach them more from movies than real life.   Russia and China are now the only 2 government programs capable of manned missions that dock in space.  China was 40 yrs late but is catching up fast.  NASA might not actually deserve a low grade but the Feds and others who complain about the budget saying  "we should solve our problems here on earth before going into space"... leave me uninspired.   
Grade = D

"Rhee" rhymes with "me"
Michelle Rhee-
You have learned much during the past year.  You have worked hard.  Sadly it seems all your efforts have done little save self promotion and distort actual events.  We suspect you are a nice and decent person, but dislike your policies immensely.
Grade = F-

Diane Ravitch-
TU was very impressed with her comments back in December and we would rank her among the smartest kids in the class. Keep up the good work.
Grade = A+

UVa Board of Visitors- 
We are grading them just because in the new world of accoutability..the people at the top have carte blanche for Strategic Dynamism and that ain't good.  While re-instating President Teresa Sullivan calmed the storm, some things you can't take back.  Dragas is back on the board, re-appointed by McDonnell in a move some found unexpected. Hope you all learned something from all this and won't mess up again.  So we have to do our best to give the grade you earned on this group project.
Grade =D

Albemarle County-
More is not always better and as high school students now flock to study halls and complain about workloads, their hand is forced by trying to remain competitive amongst their own classmates. Teachers share an increased burden as well, leaving some kids regrettably, behind.  The longer the system stays in place, the less people are able to say about it because of fatigue.  This creates the illusion that it's ok.  Seven classes seemed plenty, just sayin'.
Grade = Proficient(grades will soon be replaced a standards based system)

KC reacts to an SOL question.
Ken Cuccinelli-
Who sues a college professor for fraud? Never mind those people who steal money from the elderly with phone and E-mail scams or companies that pollute our streams.  He's running for governor and steering hard right.   If he gets the nod hope he builds bridges instead of burning them.  Still you are the C.A. for our great state, obscene seal and all,  props.
Grade = No Credit

The US Supreme Court-
How can a corporation be a person?  Agree or disagree, it was interesting to see them make a ruling that mattered on health care. 
Grade = NA(we know nothing about the law, just the Constitution)

Lebron James-
He stands still, the world spins around him.  That "announcement" showed that some people do lose touch.  Still he did win a title and is probably among the most athletic individuals, ever.  Present company excluded.  While in a perfect world, Cleveland would have won a title before him, he won.  Let's end the hate and hope he plays as well and as hard at the Olympics since everyone else is hurt or backing out.
Grade= B+

Sausage Boy-
Man that guy is a legend.   He lost all that weight and when he puts that shirt with epaulettes on, look out.    The world would be his oyster, if he ate those.  He left the basement but still managed a solid year. (and rumor has it Turner's on a mini-juicing binge.)
Grade = A-

Patricia Wright-
Not sure about what to assign here.  The state continues to pour money towards Pearson and SOLs but also was recently granted a NCLB waiver doing away with complex and unrealistic AYP objectives .  (Thanks secretary Duncan).  Time will tell if the hoops that probably come with the waiver will help or hurt.   Still 2014 was only 1 year away. 
Grade = Inc

Fermilab Tevatron Scientists
You maybe sort of found or proved that the Higgs Field or the Higgs Boson exists?  Huh?  This theoretical physics stuff is above our pay grade but makes more sense thanks to all things, Youtube(see video here).
Take that CERN and your Large Hadron Collider.  We like particle accelerators as long as they don't make Black Holes.
Grade = B(too smart is not always good)

Bashar al-Assad -
You should be expelled and the people of Syria will be better for it.
Grade = Double F

City of Lynchburg
For the second time they discharged wastewater into the James River.  This time 250,000 gallons an hour for about 18 hours.  Sees to me that somebody somewhere could find a way to fix this.  Either that or change your city logo to show the stench coming off the river   Beyond the damage to the river itself I and other citizens of the state will again have to avoid a place we love  dearly.
Grade = F

Greece and the EU-
Not saying we understand economics, austerity measures or anything having to do with international fiscal policy or currency but it appears the same could be said for you folks over there in Europe.
Grade = D

Bryce Harper
This talented rookie plays hard day in, day out and we admire that.   The Washington Nationals are for now relevant, though some TU members remain Orioles fans and think the Senators will always be the only rightful DC team, not the Expos.  He did break a bat in a tantrum and injure himself but he still went to bat, blood and all. Only retiring Chipper Jones stood between him and the MLB All Star Game. He dropped out of HS to chase his dream.  What does he deserve?  "That's a clown questions, bro."
Grade = C or A depending on your loyalties.

Va General Assembly-
What the heck is going on down there in Richmond?  What was once a proud bipartsan legislature has devolved into side by side party convention on our dime.  Please stop the political infighting and focus on doing the job you were given when elected. 

Grade = D

This is still the best country on Earth.  Anyone who disagrees is a red bellied commie.  Have a great July 4th. 
Grade = A++

Have some grades you want to assign?  Add a comment.

1 comment:

  1. I'd give the power companies a C. The lineworkers deserve an A. but the companies leave much to be desired. We need some guys from Wichita.